Help: if one is sad and wants to be happy then read this…

By

Dr RGS Asthana

Senior Member IEEE

Everyone is subjected to happiness & sadness translated as सुख or sukha & दुःख or dukha at various points of time. In this world, these dualities cannot be avoided.  What is within our control is the state of our mind. Through various yogic techniques, we can attain an equi-poised state of mind that neither gets unduly perturbed by dukha nor gets unduly elated with sukha, and the mind remains in the peaceful state (स्थिथः प्रज्ञ or StithPragya) that is steady in its final goal of self-realization or Para sympathetic state of mind.

We all live in the sympathetic states of mind with periods of anxiety and depression always occurring in any [read as unknown] order.  In Bhagwat Gita, Lord Krishna described the stithPragya as state of mind where both loss and gains does not affect an individual.  We are happy to see things through; when the going is good.  But in trying times, our happiness just disappears. Why?

It is here that a balance is required to be maintained. In Bhagwat Gita, Lord Krishna taught Arjuna the process of maintaining equilibrium (StithPragya) in all situations. Lord Krishna exhorted Arjuna to repose his entire faith in Him.  Krishna wanted Arjuna to play his role without worrying for the result of his actions. So, it is best to adjust with the circumstances when situation not seem favorable and wait for good times.  Just sing Shelley’s tunes, “if winter comes, can spring be far behind.”

Sadness, in fact, can mainly be of two kinds. One in which sadness occurs due to inevitable reasons out of one’s control e.g. death of a very close person or even earthquake in  some area of earth killing hundreds of people and other is due to internal reasons like quarrel with someone close.  Sadness is an emotion; it lasts for minutes, or hours or perhaps as long as a few days. Depression is a mood; it lasts for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years. You can be in a sad mood lasting several days.  Sadness or depression can cause conditions so that one cannot sleep or else all one wants is to sleep.  One knows there is trouble when one forgets to eat.  One begins to realize the depths of depression when one stops to laugh or find joy in any activity.   Sadness is not always as bad as it’s made out to be.  In fact, sadness can be the start of your journey directly to the heart of true nature.  Our life is a constant dance of attachment & aversion.  This is indeed what brings unhappiness in one’s life.

I quote a few examples: 1. one wishes to contest elections 2. Start a new business 3. A peasant wishes to sow a crop or 4. Individual may lose his love.  However, each of these areas can be influenced by external forces absolutely beyond control of the individual.  It could be the caste distribution of the constituency or the number of visits by client affecting the sales, or the weather is not being favorable.  All of these may affect the end result of the outcome in each case irrespective of the effort put by the respective individuals.  If the result is not favorable then it could cause sadness to begin with and if the enterprise is done by borrowing money then it could lead to depression which could lead to suicidal tendencies.  If the enterprise is done just to pass time and one has sufficient money then it is really immaterial.  However in example 4 given above, although no material loss is involved but it could be such a trauma that the individual concerned may become totally illogical or could even become suicidal.

It is interesting to note that Newton’s laws of motion apply in real life too.  The focus here is on Newton's first law of motion - “An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by a force.”  In brief one has to put effort from the दुःख or dukha or sad state of mind to achieve सुख or sukha or happy state of mind.  In Bhagwat Gita Lord Krishna says that one needs to act or do Karma and forget about results so here one needs to act to overcome the reasons for unhappiness or sadness, irrespective of what they are or how serious they are, but appropriate actions described below lead to the possible solution:

Refocus

Instead of concentrating on the negative things happening to you (such as things often you have no control over), focus on the positive actions you can take. There is saying in English, “God helps only those who help themselves.”  What can you do to create happiness in your life? Even if everything around you seems dim, you can always take action to create some semblance of light.

Exercise is most effective in gathering concentration, distressing oneself, feeling stronger and attaining focus on positive things in life.   The idea is to divert your thoughts from negative things and develop passion for another area which may benefit you in such a way that you start looking at positive things in your life.  One such area is ‘health and fitness’.  Need some ideas?   Then see [1].

Relaxation techniques are helpful tools for coping with stress and promoting long-term benefits by slowing down the body and quieting the mind. “Real relaxation” is something different from exercising, socializing or pursuing some distraction like watching your favorite program on TV or playing a computer game or reading a book or going out to watch a movie.  

Once you cultivate such hobbies, they can inject lot of happiness in your life!

Part 2 [continued]

Practice Positive Statements or Mantras

You can say, “Positive statements” or “Mantras” loudly, however, it’s advisable for social reasons to repeat Mantras inside your head.  The most important point is that develop confidence in you. Let go of things you cannot control. Think positive like, “I can do this.” This type of thinking or phrases, I call “Positive statements” or “Mantras” as they give me strength when I need, particularly, in any challenging moments.  Here are some positive statements or Mantras you can practice:

·        I am healthy, vital, and strong.

·        There is nothing in the world I cannot handle.

·        All my needs are met.

·        I am completely and utterly safe.

·        Every day in every way I am getting stronger.

Rhythmic Breathing

In order to learn how to relax, you need to become familiar with your own breathing patterns and change them in ways that will help you relax. Breathing pattern is often disrupted by changes in emotion. People who are anxious tend to hold their breath and speak in a high-pitched voice as they exhale. On the other hand, people who are depressed tend to sigh and speak in a low-pitched voice as they exhale.  Practice rhythmic breathing to move away from sadness. If you need help then see [1]. 

Watch Guided Imagery

There are some amazing images out on the Internet that can really motivate you and bring right changes to your feelings [see 1].

Give Happiness

Do help someone else feel better and then try to feel depressed after. It’s impossible! The feeling of giving happiness to someone else has a way of taking the heaviness out of your own life.  The most important thing to do is to make the choice to fight for happiness.

Become Financially Independent

I think one of the prime reasons for sadness is that one is dependent on someone for financial support. In India, parent say that a daughter is to be given proper education so that she is able to earn if need comes at any point of time in her life.  Although, it cannot be generalized as

·        There may be people who may be happy even though they are financially dependent on someone or

·        Problem which caused pain or sadness may not be due to financial reasons.

If you take example of the individual who wanted to contest an election or set up a business or a farmer – the importance of financial independence is self-explanatory.

Cultivate and nurture relationships

Harvard researchers discovered in their two studies, carried over long period, the one thing everyone needs not only for happier but also healthier lives [2] is to develop and cultivate close, intimate relationships. 

Do Something Different

Last but not the least, here are some of my favorite lift-ups.

§  Have a nap.

§  Have a good cry.

§  Play with the kids.

§  Find things to be grateful for.

Conclusion

Everyone cannot learn to become StithPragya.  It is a bit tough as it needs that one tries to live  with minimum earthly requirements which may, however, vary from person to person, learns to live only in vicinity of present and  one has learned the art of living with zero expectations.  That is to say one tends to become a yogi.  It, of course, is a difficult preposition.

This paper is for ordinary mortals and describes techniques which may help in moving from a sad state of mind to a happy state of mind.  The effort required to be put by one needs to be proportional to the level of sadness and also needs to be in right direction to come out of sadness and to reach the happiness state,  but one needs to be never ever get disheartened and remember the saying, “if there is will, there is a way.”

References 

[1]. Chapter 8, ‘Relaxation Techniques,’ in book entitled, “Live Active and Healthy,” by Dr. Geeta Asthana, Dr. RGS Asthana and Dr. Naresh K. Sinha., Confluence International, pp. 224, ISBN 978-81-86425-90-9, pages 224, 2014,”

[2].https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/03/02/harvard-researchers-discovered-the-one-thing-everyone-needs-for-happier-healthier-lives/